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I received a comment from one of my readers asking me to write on this subject. I’ve been thinking about it and thought the best thing to share would be what my husband and I do regarding this. This is definitely different for everyone, and I do not believe there is any one right way to handle this- but there are definitely many wrong ways! Depending on your circumstances and scenarios, this might vary, but there needs to be a healthy balance in this.
As soon as we got engaged, Mikey and I talked about having an open policy with our phones (and any other electronic for that matter). We have iPhones, so we set them up so our fingerprints can open each other’s phones, and we also know the lock codes. We have always felt the need to trust each other with this and be accountable. The lock was meant to keep others out- not each other.
While we do have this open policy, we do not obsess over reading them. Actually, we rarely read through each other’s messages unless we’re showing each other something. The motive in which you read the messages also matters. There have been times where Mikey is in the shower and he gets a text, and I’ll open it and pass along the message if I know it’s urgent or something. However, I do not take his phone and read every one of his conversations as soon as he gets home. I believe that to be unnecessary and shows him that I do not trust him or believe what he says. I know that he will tell me anything that is necessary and I trust that when he is gone at work, he is working, not just out texting anybody and everybody.
We both stay away from having constant communication with people of the opposite sex, so that also makes it easy for us to trust each other. We know that if we are talking casually to someone of the opposite sex, it won’t be for long, or for no specific reason. We try and keep all our conversations with the opposite sex purposeful, and straightforward. And then we usually tell each other about it later- because that also builds trust. There is no need to go searching when we trust that our spouse will tell us if anything has happened.
However, when we obsess over reading all his messages or trying to snoop into his business, we are actually displaying our distrust. This will only cause the opposite effect of what we might want to achieve. Rather than our husbands being open and honest with us, they might become on edge and perhaps even a little secretive. When you become controlling or overly worried about reading texts, you could potentially be creating unnecessary problems. Not feeling trusted is one of the worst feelings. But when we show our spouse that we trust them, the reaction will be a good one. You might find your spouse more open and willing to talk to you.